UPLEVELING COMMUNICATIONS
Last week was about how talking is foundational to building and growing relationships. This week is a progression from last week.
Think of progressions as a sequence of building blocks that are designed to enhance learning, while helping to keep an eye on the big picture. This week by week focus is meant to simplify things, especially in these first few months, which can sometimes feel more like surviving in the weeds.
The goal of FD02 is to 1) showcase the concept of progression via the topic of early communication and 2) provide a look at some of the science behind these early sounds we can make.
TL;DR
Talking to a baby can be awkward.
It’s useful to have a framework to follow, such as the power of “progressions”.
Access the complete audio series on Soundcloud and Apple Podcasts (Coming Soon)
WHAT (4 min)
Let’s be honest here – having one sided conversations with a baby can feel awkward. Those awkward feelings, if you had them, actually come up in MOST dads in the early weeks – and while it might not seem like it, your baby is processing way more than you might think, so it’s good to keep at it.
Here are ways to vary the talking and keep that word count up, while feeling a bit more comfortable with the seemingly endless speaking. Try to work these strategies and tactics in as the baby is open to it.
DON’T OVERTHINK IT
No matter how you do it, just keep doing it – practice makes better! Even better if you can make it fun amongst the stressors of the first couple weeks. Cheers to the “dancing in your underwear” dad (you know who you are). Try the following:
Read aloud… a kids book, an adult book, your daily news, this email (hint hint, that’s why the word count is included). Baby doesn’t have to participate, just send the sounds in their direction.
Narrate life… whatever is happening, give it the play by play – a diaper change, clothing change, going on a walk, bath time, whatever you are doing (“Daddy is picking you up”). Explain it all – baby has never experienced this – help ‘em out!
Sing… your favorite song, the baby top 10 hits, improv and freestyle. Baby doesn’t judge.
EXPERIMENT
Baby is a blank slate and has no idea how humans behave. Explore this using varied words, tone, gestures, and conversational style. Here are a few experiments:
Try Exaggerating. As your baby’s vision develops over the coming months, they will look to your mouth to learn how those sounds are made. Exaggerate how your face moves when you speak.
Add Real Words… as much as possible. A dog is a dog, not a “woof woof”. Absolutely do all the Mother-ese/Parent-ese you want (high pitch slowed down baby talk – babies actually love it), but don’t stray too far from real worlds too often.
Have Mock Conversations. Treat interactions as a back and forth. Drop a statement or question, then pause like you would in normal conversation while the other person responds. Then continue on. Check out this dad <> baby babble convo as an ~ example [Youtube, 1min 18sec]. Try it non-verbally as well – reacting to their motions/sounds. This is the beginning of what scientists call a “serve and return”, and it helps the brain develop socially (we have an entire progression on serve and return).
CONVERSATION TAKES TWO
Time to learn the communications signals from your baby and what they might mean. Tuning into these signals can reduce the “why are you crying – what do you need?!?” frustration that many experience. Here are a few pointers:
Pay Attention to their Sounds. Babies can communicate from day 1 with various sounds and expressions. One researcher has found there are at least 5 universal sounds that can signal a specific need in a baby, along with some curveball sounds that mean “I’m a baby and have no idea what’s happening”, just to make sure it’s not super easy to sort it all out. To see it in action, watch this 8min 54sec video on YouTube. Direct links below.
Look, Listen, Learn. Baby’s language cues are both verbal and non-verbal. Their behavior is raw communication. Moms sometimes have a full immersion advantage, so team up. Don’t get frustrated if you can’t differentiate the cues immediately – every baby is a bit different vocally and every human has a slightly different hearing perception. Give a solid effort in decoding their hidden language. The reward is more rapid problem solving. And it may help to keep in mind – all crying stops eventually – this too shall pass.
WHY (2 min)
Why is talking and communication important? Here’s the science behind it:
Apart from the obvious that humans use verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate pretty much everything – extensive research has shown a critical importance of talking to your baby in the first years and how it directly impacts brain development (including IQ). Much of the initial ground-breaking research into the importance of having routines of varied speaking with children (starting at birth) began with the work of Dr. Todd Risley and his 1995 publication “Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experiences of Young American Children”.
This research found that by preschool, there can be about a 30 million word gap/divide between families that talk to their children regularly and those that do not (which was connected, in their study, to socioeconomic status). The quality of a child’s language environment predicted their language competency by kindergarten.
Here is a great interview with Dr. Risely himself.
[Youtube: 8 min 25 sec]
Essentially, the more exposure a child has with and to language, the more practice the brain has to process and make sense of it. While Dr. Risley and his team, in 1995, noted that this difference was dramatically evident by the age of 3, brain scans and more advanced research into language understanding conducted by the Stanford Language Learning Lab, in 2014, showed that structural differences in the brain start to arise as early as 18 months of age.
While research is always ongoing, recent scientific publications have continued to confirm the importance of language exposure in the first year, highlighting specific findings such as Moms speaking up to 3x as much as Dads (tho moms are typically around kids more in general), and that baby girls tend to get more language exposure than boys. These language studies have implications as far reaching as language capabilities at age 14.
In conclusion, one of the top things a parent can do for a child is to talk to them. The great news is that at the foundation, it’s about exposure. All it takes is to keep those conversations going. And we’ve got you covered on how this progresses through this first year.
Remember… When in doubt – Talk (read, narrate, sing) it out!
HELPFUL TO KNOW
This section has tidbits from around the web that are typically on Dads minds.
Email Your Future Self
Visit FutureMe.Org and write a private message to you in the future from you right now. Write about thoughts on being a father, hopes, dreams, perceptions, beliefs. Set the delivery date for around your child’s 1st birthday. It’s a fun way to see how your “future” (likely wiser) self reflects on your present self.
Email Account for Baby
Set up an email account. Write to this address when you feel compelled. Pass it to close family. This can be a neat gift in the future for your child, of your thoughts along the way.
Carrying a Baby Seat (Mind Blown)
Save your back and hips man! [Youtube: 1min 45sec]
SMART: Putting on Baby Clothes
Changing clothes… no more worry about snapping the babies neck or breaking a finger off – here’s one way to get those shirts one with ease. [Youtube: 2min 46sec]
Calming a Baby
Many families find the “5 S’s” from Dr. Harvey Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) to be helpful. May not work for all babies, but good initial tools to explore and experiment with. [Youtube: 3min 31sec]
Dad Shares All
A Dad shares his approach to Holding, Swaddling, Diaper Changing, De-Gassing a baby and more. Extra tools for the tool box – worth a watch. [Youtube: 10min 13sec]
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