WELCOME

TALK TO BABY

With so much new stuff in the mix, here’s something simple to anchor on. Did you know that baby gets to know Mom and her voice while still in the womb. You… not so much. Time to catch up!

What better way to start developing your relationship than through talking. In these early days, when it’s easy to not know exactly how to be useful – focus on having Dad’s voice be heard. Start with 5-6 minutes anytime they awake, work up 11-16 minutes of talking an hour. Research shows that kids whose caregivers talk to them regularly in the first two years of life have a stronger vocabulary foundation when heading into kindergarten than those that do not. Yeah – that’s a long way out, but talking is a HIGH IMPACT thing that can be done now (while you are learning the other stuff).

Some days you will crush it, others days will be a challenge (the struggle is real). That’s what’s great about averages – do what you can when you can. When in doubt – talk it out!

TALK TO PARTNER

A little human just came out of another human… and that tends to be a bit draining on the body. Did you know that full recovery from birth takes about 6 months to a year, even though the most visible aspects of recovery occur in the first 6-10 weeks.

In these first few weeks of change – because all bets are pretty much off – it can be helpful to drop the plans, lower the expectations, and focus on as few things as possible.

Here are a few of those things to consider to help out, b/c she’s not only adjusting to the baby, while also healing from the birthing process.

1) Talk. Life experiences, hormones, stress, sleep deprivation – they all impact how we feel. A simple talking exercise I like is to simply say “High, Low” – What’s the highlight of your day/week (high)? What’s the flip side (low)? It’s a simple entry point that goes a long way.

2) Baths are helpful in the recovery process. Find some time in the coming days/weeks when she feels she can chill… draw her a bath, candles, you know the drill. A warm bath can lower tension in the body, and may help with deeper sleep (when sleep is possible). Apply what works for your situation. Quick/useful guide HERE.

3) Fuel up! Get some quality foods in the house and on her plate, while balancing with some of those treats she may have been missing out on for 9 months. Quality food helps with the healing process and provides energy for milk production. Good fats (avocado, coconut oils), nuts, grains, proteins, fruits and veggies. Of course you can approach it from the other side and focus on limiting highly processed food and excessive sugar, which itself goes a long way toward speedy healing. Lily Nichols, registered dietitian/nutritionist and absolute expert in prenatal and postnatal recovery is a great resource. Here is a short article + podcast on postpartum food strategies for recovery, and another on how “non-linear” postpartum recovery can be.

4) Encourage water intake. Consider a dedicated reusable cup/bottle/tumbler/vessel. Help keep it filled – it is sometimes easy to forget. The more hours you are awake, the more load your body is under, the more water your body uses – so you may need about 1.5x what you normally drink. Handy rule of thumb: If the pee is yellow – drink more water, fellow.

In the end – both baby and mom need some help (and we’ll cover you in the coming weeks) – but for now, no need to go nuts and make drastic changes, a few simple low stress things are sometimes the most thoughtful and meaningful. Remember – all bets are off for the first couple weeks, everyone adjusts differently.

This section has tidbits from around the web that are typically on Dads minds.

Burp the Baby, Man

The stomach muscles that help them clear gas on their own take 2-3 months to develop. If you don’t burp em, they’ll vomit on you. Hilarious little ones, aren’t they. How to Dad (funny comedy channel from a New Zealand dad) demonstrates traditional… and non-traditional ways to get the gas out [YouTube, 2min 10sec]. Expert Dads burp mid meal, and post meal.

Not as Fragile as they Look

Well – the soft spot on the babies head (fontanelles) does require gentle handling – but many Dads have reported that they wished they knew earlier that you don’t have to be incredibly delicate with diaper changes and swaddling. Keep the neck and head safe, but no need for extra anxiety around general fragility. Note: NICU parents tend to feel their kid is more fragile for longer than term births.

For diaper changes, the ankles can be grabbed and the baby bottom can be lifted to get to the diaper and the remnants of rogue explosions of the smelly stuff. The ninja dad gets in and gets out quick – wipe from front to back (especially with baby girls), and with boys – at the start, crack the diaper, blow some cold air in there, cover it back up. This helps reduce the chance of an unexpected shower.

For swaddling – here’s a quick 48 Seconds to Swaddling. KEY: Wrap the top tight to keep those arms contained. Keep it looser at the legs, so they can continue to stretch and uncoil (over next few months) from the womb ball they’ve been in. Extended, yet very helpful video on variations of the basic swaddle, here. Swaddle jackets/bags, such as “5-Second Sack” or Halo SleepSack are an alternative.

One for Mom

For vaginal birth, apparently “The Vagina Healing Sandwhich” [Instagram, @tinyhood] is helpful in the healing process. Helps to know what they are going through if it was a vaginal birth. Make one, share, or wipe from memory.

NICU Notes

Here are the FD notes on navigating the NICU.